Septiplier-babysitters
by zombielawngnomes
Summary: Mark and Sean are stuck taking care of wades, friends baby. They're doing OK but when wades friend comes early in the morning to take the baby to a doctors appointment everything ends up hilariously bad. Mark and Sean think the baby has been kidnapped and that marks car has been stolen. Afraid to tell anyone they lost the baby they set out on an adventure to get it back. Septiplier
1. Chapter 1

Sean and mark had been dating for about three years. It wasn't really open to the community though. Only a select handful knew or else it would be utter chaos. As Sean sits down on the couch flipping through Netflix movies, mark is busy taking a shower. Sean clicked on a stupid movie and leaned back. As he was watching the movie he could hear a faint buzzing coming from marks phone. He reached over and unlocked the phone, answering the call. "Hello! Marks phone!" Sean falls back against the grey couch as the other man on the phone speaks. "Hey its wade, I need you two to help me out. Me and a friend want to take our girls out for the weekend and their babysitter fell through. Could you guys by chance watch the lil guy for a while." Sean looked back at the bathroom door. He knew mark wouldn't be thrilled with a little ankle biter running around. "Yeah sure! We can watch the lil man. Just drop him off and everything we will need." Wade smiled. "Cool, remember you can't heat up beast milk in the microwave it needs heated up with warm water while its still in the baggy. He needs changed and fed every two hours." Sean's mouth opens wide as he writes everything down. "OK, uh what else?" He asked and wade keeps talking. "According to the mom he's also allergic to dairy products. Make sure he doesn't eat yogurt or anything like that. If he does we have a shot you can give him in the knee. When he falls asleep make sure his binkie is switched with the bottle within the first 90 seconds or he won't ever fall asleep." Sean keeps writing, the page almost full. "OK! Well come by any time!" He hangs up marks phone and begins baby proofing the house.

Mark walked out of the bathroom to see Sean holding, books, small objects and a few other things. "What the hell are you doing?" Mark asked and Sean smiled. "I told wade we would watch his friends kid so they can go out this weekend." Marks eyes widen. "you're joking right? A baby! In this house!" Mark snapped and Sean smiled, turning to look mark in the eyes. "Yes. A baby. A small infant. A child. For three days." Sean smirked, kissing marks cheek. "It won't be that bad, I promise."

As they finish cleaning the house there is an audible knock from the front door. "They're here!" Sean scrambled to his feet running to the door. "Hi! Welcome to our home!" He let's them in, baby in a carseat covered with a dark green baby blanket. She smiled handing Sean a diaper bag, mark food bags and a toy bag. "The basinet is easy to set up. The instructions are on the side." She points to her husband who sets down the basinet bag. "Treat Sammy well and we will be back soon." She kissed the babies head before walking away with the group, Sean and mark waving as they leave.

"Good luck babe." Mark says and pulled on his shoes. "Wait what?! You're not going to help me!" Sean snapped and mark shrugged. "Your agreement your problem." Mark smiled and tried to walk past Sean, Sean grabbing him by his shirt. "Oh no you don't you're going to stay right the fuck there and you're not going to move a single muscle." Sean points to the couch and mark groaned, dragging his feet towards the couch. "Fuck you!" Sean blows him a kiss. "Maybe later if you help. I might even let you do what you want." Sean smiled and mark sits up slightly.

As the baby sleeps mark and Sean struggle to put together the small basinet. "Just hand me the instructions!" Sean whispers a bit pissed mark shaking his head. "We don't fucking need them. We can just build it without that shit" Sean groaned, glancing over at all the bars. "Just hand me the instru-" mark growled. "THE INSTRUCTIONS ARE WRONG SEAN!" Sean throws his hands up in the air. After about thirty minutes mark speaks up. "OK, we can fix this. Sean growled. " maRK ITS NOT BROKEN!" The baby starts to whimper and mark sends the deadliest glare towards Sean. "Ya woke the thing." Sean gets up and kneels down,grey sweater lifting up to expose his dark green boxers under his black skinny jeans. He lifted the dark green blanket to look down at a brown haired, bright brown eyed baby with a few freckles. The baby smiled wide at Sean and laughed. Sean immediately feeling extremely happy. "Oh my god! Its so cute!" Sean unstrapped the baby, lifting him from the car seat. "Look at how cute he is!" Sean blows a raspberry against the babies cheek only causing it to laugh more.

Mark glanced up at the baby to see Sean smiling like the biggest goof ever. It had been a while since Sean had been that happy. He leaned back against the table as he puts together the rest of the basinet. "OK! I think I have this figured out." Mark said and puts the basinet to stand up right. Sean was playing with the little boy on the floor. "You got it?" He asked softly and mark nods. The baby begins shrieking both mark and Seans eyes darting towards the kid. "Oh shite.." Sean said he hold up the kid and smells it, automatically gagging. "OH SHITE IS RIGHT. HES FULL OF IT" mark looked down at the upset Irishman and laughed. "Not it!" He yelled and Sean looked up. "Fine get to work on heating up the milk." He tossed mark a frozen bag and mark mimmicks Sean's accent. "well ye know yer gunna have te feed it." Sean rolled his eyes, picking up the 5 month old. He laid him flat on his back, between his legs as he pulled off the brown fluffy pants, the moment the diaper came off he about threw up.

Mark unfortunately wasn't there for the instructions. He placed the sealed bag in the microwave, putting in five minutes. He turned his back, heading into the living room to grab the bottle. Sean had placed the dirty diaper next to Sam and was in the middle of putting on a new one. Sam reached down and placed his hand in the poop, about to put it in his mouth. "SAM- EUGHH...SAM NO!" Sam smiled and shakes his hand, the poop slamming into Sean's face. Sean face immediately goes white, the smell and thought just now hitting him. The baby laughed and Sean grabbed a wet wipe, scrubbing it off his face as quickly as possible.

Mark grabbed the bottle heading for the kitchen, a loud boom coming from the microwave. Sam starts screaming, Sean jumping up when he heard the noise. "What the hell was that!" Mark holds up the burned bag, milk all over his face and on his clothing. "Don't heat up milk in the microwave." He said and Sean laughed, getting hot water and placing the new bag in it. "That's how you do it. Go check on the baby." Sean said and mark heads out. The baby had crawled away and was now missing. Mark cursed and looked back at the kitchen to make sure Sean was busy. He gets on his hands and knees looking for Sam. " oh shit..." He whispered and looked around the living room, he then picked the baby up from behind the couch. "Hey is that bottle ready!" He yelled, Sam fussing as he looked towards the kitchen, Sean coming in with a bottle. "This is going to work out, we can do this."

Mark rocked back and fourth, feeding Sam to try and help him sleep. Sean starts cleaning up the spilled milk that had exploded from the microwave. "I can't believe you didn't read the instructions." Sean said with a chuckle. Mark placed the sleeping child in the basinet, rocking it slightly to Make sure he was relaxed and sleeping.

The long night begins. Sean and mark countlessly getting up throughout the night to feed the baby, rock the baby, change the baby. Sean was asleep on the living room floor still in his clothes from the previous day. He had food spilled on him, spit up on his right shoulder that had dribbled down his back. Mark walked into the room, eyes dark and spit up in him as well. The time was now 3:50am and didn't look like the night was ever going to end. After an hour everyone was passed out.

Wades friend had called mark, leaving a message on marks dead phone. "Hey, wade gave me the spare key to your car and told me it was ok to use it to take Sammy to his appointment and bring him back. It wont be long and don't worry, not a scratch on your car." As wades friend comes back, he saw mark and Sean sleeping. Deciding not to disturb them, he grabbed the baby and the car seat leaving the bottles and other stuff. He takes the car and drives off towards the doctors office.

Mark wakes up about an hour later, looking up at the quiet basinet. He gets up, getting a bag of milk warmed up for breakfast. Sean snored softly into a couch pillow trying to get in a few more minutes of sleep. He gets up, looking into the basinet. Suddenly his heart dropped and he screamed. "MARK THE BABY IS MISSING." Sean throws the blanket out of the basinet, looking around the room. mark rushing in as quickly as possible. "WHAT WHERES THE BABY! OH FUCK." He looked around the house trying to turn on his phone. "its dead! We don't have time to charge grab the car keys we are going to the police!" Sean pulled on a jacket and black high tops as fast as possible. He runs out with the car keys looking around. "Oh marks not going to be happy..." He turned around to face mark who was just running out the door. "Mark I don't want to alarm you but...someone stole your car." Mark looked up. "WHAT SOMEONE KIDNAPPED A BABY AND STOLE MY CAR! FUCK" he kicked a pile of snow and runs his hands through his dyed red hair.


	2. Chapter 2

Wades friend adam sits in the waiting office with Sam. Looking up at the tv screen. "Its OK Sammy you're just getting a simple check up." Sam smiled and was set on the floor to crawl around and play with the toys in the waiting room.

Mark and Sean run down the street to the neighbours house. Once they get there he slammed his hands on the door. "we need to borrow your phone! Someone stole our kid" Sean covered his mouth. "Our car. Our cars been stolen and it has my child in it." The woman nods handing them her phone. Mark called 911 reporting the crime. "Its a red kia with a sticker on the back that says "horn broken look for the middle finger." Its got a scratch on the left door from a mailbox. The kids name is sam. Or Sammy he's got brown hair and is about 6-7 months. He has brown eyes as well. Just please find him as well." The officer sends out an amber alert, letting it flash all over phones and TVs everywhere.

Back at the doctors adam looked up at the screen. "what kind of sicko steals a kid inside of a car. That's messed up." He walked to the back with the nurse, setting Sammy on the table.

Mark and Sean run Down town. "I know someone who can help us!" Sean yelled and runs to the back alley. He jumped over garbage and rats, knocking on the door. He straightens himself out and smiled waiting patiently. "What the fuck is going on out here!" A large man covered in tattoos pushed open the door, holding a bat with nails in it. "Hey woah! Ken its me! Sean!" Sean holds up his hands and ken smiled. "Well look who it is. What do ya need?" Sean smiled. "Someone took our kid and car and we need help tracking them down." Ken nods and walked out into the alley with them. "Its dangerous back here a lot of bearded sickos with tattoos live in these alleys. Sean raised a brow and leads them out towards the main street. " I'll borrow old blue you take nightmare." Ken smirked, tossing Sean the keys. "Careful. Old blues a bit angry now." Sean pulled a sheet off a blue motorcycle and sits down, turning it on. "Mark pick one." Ken sits on the black motorcycle and glanced at Sean. "I'll stick with you." He gets on behind Sean as they rev the engines, driving out towards the main roads.

As the sky gets darker and rain begins to fall Sean and mark drive through the weather. A red kia pulling out of the apartment area. Mark yelled, pulling on Sean. "THATS MY CAR! KEN THATS MY CAR!" Ken nods and speeds up in front of them. He runs the red light, catching the attention of the officer. The officer following close behind ken. Ken slowing down, to speak to the officer through the window. "That's their stolen car! Its got the kid in it!" He points and the officer nods, speeding up. Adam looked into the mirror and slowed down looking back at the cop. The cop stands out behind his door. "driver exit the vehicle! Hands above your head." He stepped out and holds out his hands. "Officer, did I do something wrong?" The cop growled. "This car was reported stolen, and you're driving it." He walked over and the other male turned around. "If I could explain mysel-" the cop raised the tasser. "Get on the floor sir! I don't want to shoot you!" He yelled and the other laid on the floor. Cop arresting him. He opened the door of the car to see wade sitting between the empty car seat and going through marks bag. "Is this your car? Who are you?" He holds up the taser and wade holds up it his hands. "No this isn't my car." The officer pulled wade out, throwing him onto the floor.

Sean and mark skid with the motorcycle, sliding into the crime scene. The old officer had taken in wade and Adam. New officers at the scene. "FREEZE!" Yelled a new cop pointing a taser at Sean. "Look man. You've got it twisted we're here because that is o-" the cop pulled the button tasing Sean in the chest. He shakes for a while, falling onto the floor. "What the hell is wrong with you?!" Mark shoved the new cop, a cop tackling him to the floor. Both mark and Sean being arrested alongside with ken for speeding and running a red light.

Back at the jail they're all sitting in a holding cell looking around. Next to them was wade and Adam. "What the hell are you guys doing here!?" Mark yelled leaning up against the bars. Sean twitching every now and then. "Someone reported your car stolen. We borrowed it to take Sammy to his appointment." Mark pulled a face. "We may have reported it stolen...along with your kid missing." Adam gets up and glared at them. "I called ahead you shits!" Mark snapped back. "Hey we had been up all night with your kid not our fault we didn't charge our phones." Adam sits down and wade walked over. "Well we can drop your charges for the big misunderstanding." Mark said and wade rolled his eyes. "Who's the big scary dude." He points to ken. "Oh that's ken. He got the cops to notice the car." He said with a smile and wade nods. "Got it." Sean leaned against the bars the cops walking over. "Sean McLaughlin. You're OK to leave. Along with you ken. As for you mark you're getting ready for booking." Sean gets up a bit shocked. Cops pushing him out. "Wait what'd he do?!" Sean said and the cops shut the door. "He assaulted a new officer on the force." The cop said and Sean tried to jump over the cops. "Wait where's Sammy?!" Wade gets up. "He's with Adams ex! Her address is in marks car!" Sean and ken go out to the hall. They get the keys to the car and go out to the car.

"Let's go get Sammy." Ken and Sean pull up to the apartment. A man answering the door. "hi does Jessica live here?" The man looked high and drunk. Not a good mix. "Yeah, so? Who the hell are you?! Is she cheating on me?!" He grabbed Sean by the collar, throwing him down onto the cement. "Get out of here before I beat your a-" ken stepped in the way. "Where's Jessica?" The man flinched. "She out with some girls for a party or whatever." Ken helped Sean stand back up. "where's the baby?" He asked and the man looked confused. "Baby? Man you're tripping if you think I'd te-" Sean tackled the other, smashing his own shoulder out of place. "You're going to tell me where my fuckin child is our I'm going to shove this baby bottle so far up your ass you won't be able to shit for a week." The man cringed. "alright. I didn't want the baby here so I made her take the baby over to your neighbours." Sean gets up. "Let's go ken. Which neighbours?" The man sits up. Rubbing his head. "Some chick named Abby." Sean groaned. Abby had always had a thing for him. So this was going to be difficult.

Mark was sitting in a jail cell as he locked around waiting for the people to come back and interview him. All three of them just sitting in cell block A. "Well this will be a funny story to tell Sammy some day. Hopefully Sean's having better luck than us." The dinner bell rings and they all get up to get the orison food. Two pieces of bread, corn, a carton of milk and a side of peaches.


End file.
